👑
The Legend Himself
Born during a solar eclipse that scientists still cannot fully explain,
Pabu emerged into the world already holding a briefcase.
By the age of seven he had restructured the lemonade‑stand market of his
entire neighbourhood. By twelve he had written three dissertations —
none of which he submitted because he "didn't want to make the other
candidates feel bad."
Today Pabu operates from an undisclosed location (believed to be at the
top of Mount Fuji in the company of snow monkeys) and continues to shape
the course of human civilisation, one vocabulary flashcard at a time.
⛏️
The Asteroid Mining Empire
In what economists call "the most audacious pivot since electricity",
Pabu quietly founded PabuCore Extraterrestrial Resources LLC
in a weekend, reportedly while doing laundry.
The company now controls mining rights to 47 near‑Earth asteroids,
two rogue comets, and one object that NASA insists
"is not an asteroid" but declines to elaborate on.
Quarterly returns have exceeded the GDP of several mid‑sized countries,
a fact Pabu describes as "a bit embarrassing, honestly."
The flagship asteroid, 433 Pabu (formerly 433 Eros),
was renamed after a brief but firm letter to the
International Astronomical Union.
They complied immediately.
